Bill and Kent's Place

Living a small simple life

I had a nice weekend. I went to dinner with a friend Friday night at Costa del Sol in Hartford. If you like Spanish food, they are remarkable. I don't go there often because it's a bit out of the way for me, but I do enjoy it there.

The rest of the weekend was slow for me. But I accomplished some things. I was happy with myself, being able to successfully buy the right lights for our bedroom closet, and installed them without a hitch. Kent usually does this sort of thing. I know it sounds like a small thing, but these are fluorescent lights, so you have to buy the right size and wattage, and then hope it works. I'm afraid I'm somewhat inept at that sort of thing. I shine in other things that others don't, such as art, music, and making a warm home. I'm not sure how useful those things are in the grand scheme of things, but it's what I do well. I also think I'm a rather skilled cook, although, being by myself in this big house, I'm afraid that I have little motivation for cooking. It has to be inspired, and my inspiration for doing that kind of stuff is in the far away continent of Africa.

Still, I do what I can. I was very pleased with myself last night and this morning, at being able to mow our entire lawn. We have a big lawn, and with my issues with heart disease, I wasn't sure how I would do. I did a bit Saturday evening after it had cooled off, and this morning before it got too hot. It was 91 degrees today, but less humid. Still, the heat is too much for me to deal with when working outside. I don't want to push my luck. And being here alone, if anything happened, who would know? I suppose someone from work would eventually inquire into my total absence from answering the phones or showing up at work. They would eventually find my, although, it would probably be too late. Awful thoughts really. But I don't fear them.

I spent today resting after finishing up with the yard work, and tonight, I reclined out on our deck with a nice glass of wine, enjoying the sounds of nature. My mind was wandering as I looked up at the trees, thinking about what a marvel of nature they are. And yet, we take them for granted. Each leaf is a solar panel, gathering energy for the tree. It's too bad that man has not been able to accomplish what they have so successfully achieved. I found myself thinking to them, "I will miss you.", thinking that in twenty or so years time, maybe less, I will cease, but they will continue on. That's the way of things.

It was absolutely still out. No breeze, nothing. I could hear the cicadas for a brief period and then silence. I finished my glass of wine and went back inside where it was cool.

I enjoy my quiet simple life.

Interesting Restaurants

I love eating out and exploring new cultures. But I just can't get my head around seeing "beef intestines" on a menu. You kind of lose me there.

Single Living

Kent is in South Africa again. This time seems more difficult than the other times. He'll be there for three and a half weeks. He left last Thursday. On top of that, his phone doesn't work and there's very little that he can do to keep in touch. I feel like half of me is gone. I probably need to just bury myself in work and keep my mind occupied the best I can.

This weekend was rough, but two friends visited last night and we all went out to dinner in Hartford. That was a nice diversion. It was nice of them to come see me.

It's stressful times at work. My company was acquired by another company. And since I'm in IT, my job is now to facilitate the restructuring of our computer network. It's exciting in a way. Some of the load will be taken off me to keep critical functions going. And I will facilitate the transfer of those functions. For a company, it's healthy to reexamine how you've done things for so long. And whether we like it or not, that's going to happen. People are creatures of habit, so most don't deal with change very well. But I'm trying to embrace it. So next Tuesday I will spend my day in Boston talking about all the things that have to get done as this is all happening.

I've been thinking today about what was said at dinner last night. I always thought of myself as a pretty normal looking guy (i.e. more straight than gay looking). But I was told last night that I am apparently quite gay looking, both in appearance and the way I talk. I was told that I talk with a slight lisp. I can't hear it or change it. It's not that I don't like what I am, which is a good thing since I have no control over it. But it's made me wonder if everyone who talks to me, both personal and work life, is thinking, "...he's so gay...", and that's all they see. They don't see me. Am I just a stereotype of a gay man? Why do we have to have a label for everything? Why do we put people into categories? Will my new company still want me because of this, since I apparently project "gay" in my appearance and/or speech patterns? Is this why my neighbor looks at me the way he does... like I'm an alien of some sort? It makes me want to not talk to people and withdraw. It's as if ten seconds after someone talks to me, they are thinking, "Yeah, he's gay.", or worse.

I guess I just got to thinking about it all when my friends told me about how I talk, and how I look. It gets me down. I guess I now know why so many of the straight guys at work will only talk to me when they absolutely need my help with something IT related. I don't bond with any of them, and yet, I see them getting together for drinks after work, etc. But not me. I'm never asked. I think it's because of all of these external things that I have no control over. It sucks.