I've been away for awhile, from blogging that is. Life has gotten in the way. I think that's the way it should be, rather than blogging getting in the way. But sometimes, it's good to reflect on what's been happening in one's life. I write far less than I used to, but it just seems that there's so much going on with me today that's more important. I've clearly changed.
Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy writing. It's just that other things have taken a greater role in my life.
I've written in the past about all that I've been going through with my brother, and his health problems. All of this has taken my life in a totally different direction that I could not have imagined. To every single thing in life, there is a negative, and a positive. Everything must absolutely equal out. Sometimes, in the face of darkness, we forget that.
I was so immersed in helping my brother that all I could see was the negative. Him going through the same surgery that I went through had a profound effect on me, him, and more than that, our relationship. There was a time when we were distant islands, not wanting much to do with each other. And now, I feel closer to him than anyone in my family. People have told me that in a crisis, I put things aside and deal with it. I do what needs to get done. Whether that has to do with cutting through red tape, talking to counselors and doctors to get to the truth, I do that well with a cool head.
In two weeks, I had planned to go to Idaho to see him, in his home. He planned on having a dinner at his home to thank everyone who helped with his home-makeover. And it seemed that I was one of the stars that made that happen. I'm not comfortable being in that position because it's not my nature. But, if it makes him happy, I'm all for it.
I used to think, and still do, that my aunt was always the strong one in our family. Now, I see her in myself. Last night I received a call from a cousin of mine in Idaho. My brother was taken again by ambulance to the VA hospital in Boise with what he thought was another heart attack. I listened to what she had to say. She said that he was very down and depressed. All I could say was, "CHRIST!!!". I sat back on a sofa in my living room just stunned. She said, "Bill, you need to call him because I'm worried about him. I've never seen him this down." I told her I would in an hour or so when I got my head around it.
I first called the cardiac wing and identified myself and told them that I was the person listed as being in charge of his medical directive. After they looked and confirmed that, they told me what was going on. He was on bed rest and they had to wait for six or so hours to find out what had happened because they were waiting for an enzyme test to complete. They would know more in the morning.
Another aunt called and said, "Bill, you need to talk to Mike. He's asking for you but can't figure out how to dial out with the pin they gave him." She said, "We can't get him out of this depression. I told her, "I can, but I have to get my head together." I hung up, and cried a bit.
I then called him. He answered, and I said, "Hey man, you are killing my buzz here. What the hell! You have to stop doing this crap to me." He started laughing. We talked for a good half hour. My cousin stopped by, the one who called me first. I told him to visit with her and I'd call him back in forty-five minutes. I did, and we talked more. After that, he was back on track again.
Today, they sent him back to Seattle VA to run tests. Some test that involves cobra venom (no, I'm not kidding). Apparently, it's a new test that came out. As it turns out, the cobra venom, administered after a special die is inserted into the body, can trace where blood is flowing, and where it's not flowing, with the use of a special camera that can monitor this. Truly amazing actually. In essence, it tracks what is not allowing blood to flow, and also where blood if flowing.
According to this test, he never had a heart attack. Good news because that means the heart is not damaged. The bad news is that the lower ventricle of the heart is not pumping blood as it should. It also indicated that the two arteries used in the bypass are not doing their job. So now, we are in a holding pattern.
I told him that I'd keep my tickets for Boise in two weeks. If he's there, that's where I'll stop. If he's in Seattle, I'll get a ticket from Boise onward to Seattle. One way or the other, I told him I would see him in just under two weeks. That's where things stand now. It's a roller coaster ride.
On other fronts, Kent bought a new car last weekend. A Honda hybrid, which he loves so far. It's a nice looking car. We also bought a video camera and are having fun creating our own movies. So far, Maxwell (my cat) is the star. But who knows, I may start doing video entries of this instead of the written word. I need a makeup and wardrobe department! And if I can become a hybrid clone of Julia Roberts and Anderson Cooper, I'll have it made. Wonder if makeup can do all of that? yeah....
That's it for now friends. Thanks to everyone who's sent me letters and kept in touch. It makes a big difference.
Oh, and about that thing I was talking about, "To every single thing in life, there is a negative, and a positive.", the positive is that this has brought me back to my family again. We seem to have done the impossible. The years that separated us have somehow gone away. And being gay just doesn't seem important to anyone anymore.
Maybe this is my brother's gift to me.