Bill and Kent's Place

Checking In...

Hi everyone. I haven't written for a while so I thought I'd make an entry just let everyone know I'm still alive.

A lot has changed since my last entury. My health is good and I still work for the same company, although it's been reacquired by another company and a lot has changed at work, but basically I have my job I am it's a little different than it was, but it's not that bad.

Kent is in South Africa for a month. He left a couple weeks ago. I think the worst part of it is he got over to South Africa and found out that his cell phone doesn't work, even though it's on the international plan, and the places he visits don't have Internet, except very very spotty places that don't have very reliable Internet. So, we have actually only been able to communicate through e-mail for the first few days and I've heard nothing from him since, so I really don't expect to hear from him until he comes back home.

We will then have a couple of days together, and then I'm off for a week in Idaho to see friends and family. I usually go to Idaho in June, when it's a bit cooler. August is probably the hottest month, but I'm going to a celebration of my aunt and uncle's 60th wedding anniversary on August 4th. Then, I leave very very early the next day around 5:00 in the morning, to come back home in Connecticut. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again I hope everyone's there and together so we can have a family reunion. I'm really not that close to my family. I'm trying like hell to get there, but I'm kind of fighting an uphill battle. I think a lot of it is that I haven't known them for years. I've been away for so long and I've been coming back to Idaho every year for the last five-six years every year trying to rekindle relationships. I guess I've kind of come to the conclusion that a lot of those relationships are gone, except it's kind hard to get my head around that and to let it go. I still have good friends there and a cousin that is very very close to me, and my brother, so hopefully it will go well.

And that's about it. I have nothing else to report. I can't wait for Kent to get back and hope you all are doing very well, if anyone is still reading this is all.

Brave Old Idaho

There have been times in recent years that we have considered moving back to the west coast, where we would be closer to family and friends. Living in Connecticut, we sometimes feel that we in the middle of nowhere when it comes to being able to connect with family back home. There was a time that I didn't care about that so much, but as I grow older, I have this desire to reconnect with them. And from my experience last summer in Idaho at our wedding reception, it was clear to me that, although many in my family "don't condone" our relationship, they wanted to be there to support us. When you think about it, that's a rather bizarre and illogical position to take. Perhaps they are trying to reconcile their belief from their emotion?

So, in light of feeling somewhat isolated at times, we have, over the years, thought about relocating to the west coast. But where to live? For us to move somewhere that would dissolve our marriage is not acceptable to us. The price is too high for human dignity, legal protections, health care provisions, job protection, and all the rest. And just last week, Kent received a notice of a position offered at the University of Idaho, in Moscow, Idaho, that he would most likely have received if he had any inclination of applying for. He showed me the position, and we both immediately dismissed it out of hand. And this is why...

BOISE – Efforts to prohibit employment and housing discrimination against gay people in Idaho were rejected Friday by a state Senate committee as a shocked crowd of more than 250 supporters of the human rights bill looked on.

The committee, which includes all four members of the Senate GOP’s top leadership, refused to introduce the bill, thus barring a public hearing on it.  ...

In Boise, state Senate Minority Leader Edgar Malepeai, D-Pocatello, told the Senate State Affairs Committee that his “Add The Words” bill would amend the Idaho Human Rights Act to ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

“The act allows the commission to address issues in employment, housing, education and public accommodations. This legislation does not create a new protected class, since all people have a sexual orientation and gender identity,” he said.

Malepeai said, “It ensures that all Idahoans are free to hold jobs and rent apartments regardless of whether they are straight or gay. So the question before us today with this legislation is whether or not it is the policy of the state of Idaho to allow discrimination against our gay family members, co-workers and friends.” (source; photo credit, Associated Press)

The measure did not even get a hearing. The year is 2012, and Idaho is back in the 1970's on this issue of basic fairness. This bill simply said that you can't be fired for being gay, or denied a place to live for being gay. Really, was it too much to ask? The committee thought so, and this is the environment in Idaho.

The last time I was in Idaho, I went to Emmett to visit a boyhood friend. I would look at the nice new homes being built up in the hills overlooking the small town of Emmett where I grew up, and actually see myself living there, and actually being happy. I toyed with the idea of calling the realtor on the sign, assuming the realtor would sell to two guys. They probably would. They are sharks. And then, reality set in. We would work in Boise for sure, have separate health benefits, separate everything. And then of course, what kind of neighbors would we have? Most likely not very enlightened ones.

As far as moving to the west coast, it seems unlikely at this point. We talked about Vancouver in the past, and on Monday, it seems that Washington State will most likely pass marriage equality into law in their state. So now, Seattle is a possibility as well. Ironically, Rick Santorum will be in the state to use the opportunity to promote "traditional marriage".

The only thing that bothers me a bit about staying in Connecticut is the sense of isolation I sometimes feel, given the fact that we are getting to be in the older age group. I worry about being back here all alone, just the two of us. But if we moved back to Idaho, we would have family around, and Kent and I would be "legal strangers", in terms of all aspects of our relationship. We would be bachelors.

I think I will stick with my feeling of isolation. There certainly are worse things in life.

A Year in Remembrance

Last year had a lot of milestones in my life.  I haven't posted in awhile because so many things have been happening. I haven't felt that I've been able to write about some events, but now I feel that I can.

One of the biggest events of the year, and my entire life, was a celebration of our wedding. As some of you know, Kent and I got married, yes, officially married in the State of Connecticut on October 15, 2010. It was a quiet wedding - just the two of us, our two cats, and the Justice of the Peace. It took place in our home. It was a bittersweet affair for me. I was overjoyed that we finally had the opportunity to have a marriage license. I was also sad that I really wasn't able to share this amazing experience with my family and friends in Idaho. Idaho, being the very conservative state that it is, really killed that opportunity. I think we would both have preferred to have our families present for the wedding.

A few weeks after the wedding, as I thought about it more, it occurred to me that I now know why some people want to keep marriage out of the reach of gay couples. POWER. It is a not-so-subtle way of telling us to sit in the back of the bus, drink from the "gays only" water fountain, and use the "gays only" restrooms. History repeats itself. And there are many who will read these analogies and scoff at them, saying "it's not the same thing!" Really? Many black folks will say the same thing and be insulted that I would even dare to compare the two. But from where I'm sitting, it's exactly the same thing. When this realization set in, I became quite angry because it's not so much about "saving marriage", but rather, keeping marriage, with all its legal responsibilities, out of our reach. So today, we have the over 800 legal rights afforded to us by the State of Connecticut. We do not have the 1,138 legal rights afforded us at the national level (the big ticket items). It's hard to look at the hypocrisy of politicians today who want a national constitutional amendment voiding our marriage, when many of them have been married 4-5 times in the past. If they really wanted to "save marriage", perhaps they should start by looking in the mirror.

Negative thoughts aside, I'll take what we have and cherish it. And on the more positive side, we were able to have a wedding reception on June 11, 2011 at my cousin Kim's home in Caldwell, Idaho. Yes, IDAHO! She really did give us a wedding reception, cake and all. I love her so much for just being her, and having such a big heart. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know how it would be received. And it's not as if it were concealed to be something else. She sent out invitations to the entire family and our friends, and at the top of the invitation, it read, "We Have Wed". It listed our names and location of the celebration. At the reception, I kept wondering if the police would show up to arrest us for an illegal act or something by celebrating this (Idaho has a state constitutional amendment against it). That's just my insecurities showing through I suppose. Not surprising, not all familly members could bring themselves to come to the event, I assume for religious reasons. At least I suppose I now know who supports us in our journey through life together, and who doesn't. My Uncle Bill came. He's 90 years old, very conservative, and very red neck. I told him of all people, I was surprised he came. He said, "You are my nephew and I love you. And, it's what Irene (my mother) would have wanted." Sometimes, support comes in the most unlikely places.

Another big event of my life this past year is work related. I'm still in the same job, but my job has changed a lot. The company that I've worked for over the last 24 years, was acquired by another company in 2010. The change has been tremendous, and I report to different people now. I can't say it's good or bad, just much different. It's difficult for many people to accept change. I try to roll with it and be as accommodating as I can be. I can't say it's all been easy, but I have on my side experience and wisdom. Ten years ago, I think this would have been much more difficult for me.

Will I have a home at this new company we are forming? I believe I will, but I've been through enough things in my life to simply not worry about it. As I tell others, "Worry about what you can effect. Everything else is a waste of time and energy." I tend to live my life that way now. Trust me, there are worse things in life than worrying about job security. I've lived through most of them.

Finally, we had a very nice Christmas with our folks in Yuma, Arizona. I thought it would be warmer. I think I've become more sensitive to cold. It was 65-70 degrees there during the day, but it felt like the 50's to me. It was nice to see the folks again, along with Kent's brother and sister-in-law. We seem to only connect in person every Christmas.

I'm looking forward to the New Year with great optimism, and I'm thankful for all that we have. I hope you all have a great New Year!

Remembering Brennan

November 7, 1999

Our Anniversary Today

Today is our 37th anniversary to being together, our first anniversary of being married, and Kent's birthday. A lot to celebrate.

We started last night by going to a concert featuring renowned violinist Gil Shaham. It was a fantastic concert and I'm a huge fan of his.

Tonight, we are going to Cavey's Restaurant for a nice celebration dinner.

Remembering a loved one

Sasha passed away on August 9th, 2000, at 4:15p.m. Rest in peace, my dear dear friend.

Living a small simple life

I had a nice weekend. I went to dinner with a friend Friday night at Costa del Sol in Hartford. If you like Spanish food, they are remarkable. I don't go there often because it's a bit out of the way for me, but I do enjoy it there.

The rest of the weekend was slow for me. But I accomplished some things. I was happy with myself, being able to successfully buy the right lights for our bedroom closet, and installed them without a hitch. Kent usually does this sort of thing. I know it sounds like a small thing, but these are fluorescent lights, so you have to buy the right size and wattage, and then hope it works. I'm afraid I'm somewhat inept at that sort of thing. I shine in other things that others don't, such as art, music, and making a warm home. I'm not sure how useful those things are in the grand scheme of things, but it's what I do well. I also think I'm a rather skilled cook, although, being by myself in this big house, I'm afraid that I have little motivation for cooking. It has to be inspired, and my inspiration for doing that kind of stuff is in the far away continent of Africa.

Still, I do what I can. I was very pleased with myself last night and this morning, at being able to mow our entire lawn. We have a big lawn, and with my issues with heart disease, I wasn't sure how I would do. I did a bit Saturday evening after it had cooled off, and this morning before it got too hot. It was 91 degrees today, but less humid. Still, the heat is too much for me to deal with when working outside. I don't want to push my luck. And being here alone, if anything happened, who would know? I suppose someone from work would eventually inquire into my total absence from answering the phones or showing up at work. They would eventually find my, although, it would probably be too late. Awful thoughts really. But I don't fear them.

I spent today resting after finishing up with the yard work, and tonight, I reclined out on our deck with a nice glass of wine, enjoying the sounds of nature. My mind was wandering as I looked up at the trees, thinking about what a marvel of nature they are. And yet, we take them for granted. Each leaf is a solar panel, gathering energy for the tree. It's too bad that man has not been able to accomplish what they have so successfully achieved. I found myself thinking to them, "I will miss you.", thinking that in twenty or so years time, maybe less, I will cease, but they will continue on. That's the way of things.

It was absolutely still out. No breeze, nothing. I could hear the cicadas for a brief period and then silence. I finished my glass of wine and went back inside where it was cool.

I enjoy my quiet simple life.

A Beautiful Day Yesterday

We are in Idaho now. Yesterday, we celebrated our wedding with our families in Caldwell, Idaho. It was an amazing experience for both of us. We had around forty people show up. Most of them I haven't seen in decades.

I try to get back to Idaho once a year. I've been doing this for the last four years or so in an effort to get to know my family again after being absent for over twenty years. I honestly didn't think that it would be possible. It seems that it's harder to break back into a family once you leave for a long period of time. You find yourself trying to catch up with what people have been doing, and for the most part, to them, you are now an outsider. So, I had come to the conclusion that there really was no way for me to do that. I had to become content that the few people I had access to would share their lives with me again, and I could share my life with them.

But it seems that I've been able to reconnect with so many of them. Some of the people at our celebration I have literally not seen in decades, but I still recognized them, even after age and time had changed us so much. But the greatest part was that all these people from both our families came, and we had a real celebration of our wedding and our lives together. And all of this happened in conservative Idaho. That is really, to me, a small miracle.

So today, I took Kent to the airport. He is on his way to Seattle for a few days for a seminar. He returns to Idaho on Wednesday evening, and we leave for home early Thursday morning. For now, I'm sitting out on my cousins porch, enjoying this really beautiful weather, and reminiscing about the beautiful memories from yesterday. It's quite a high for me. I do have a family! Very cool.

I may take off for Emmett in awhile to see what's changed and to try to connect with a few friends from high school. Tuesday, I'm going to be in Emmett again to spend some time with Daniel, a boyhood friend of mine, who is really like a brother to me. That should be a lot of fun.

I should also say that I have the most amazing friends, Kim (my cousin), and Mary (a dear friend from college). They are the two who prodded me to make yesterday happen. I fought it at first out of my own fear of what might happen. After all, by having this celebration of our wedding, something that by law can not happen in Idaho because the state has a constitutional amendment against it, is a rather fearful thing. But I've found that even in this place, people can come together and find a common ground. Some who attended may not agree with what Kent and I have, but they were willing to come together, not only to meet us, but to really celebrate what the occasion stood for; a celebration of our wedding and the life we've spent together over the last thirty-six years. Never judge a book by it's cover.

It's true that some in my family could not bring themselves to come because of their beliefs. At one point in my life, that would have been a big problem for me. But I've changed with age as well. I understand where they are coming from. It's simply a leap they could not make. They say that the younger generation has little problem with the concept of "gay marriage", or, what I like to refer to as "marriage equality". And sure enough, the people who had the problem with it are of the older generation. Their belief structure is different, and it seems that change isn't in the cards for them.

That being said, I love them. So I have to be willing to accept the fact that they couldn't bring themselves to come. It doesn't have to, nor will it, ruin in any way what happened yesterday.

Life is beautiful.

Slow Sunday

Very slow Sunday here.  We have about 3 feet of snow here, but it's slowly melting. That's of course before we get the next storm on Tuesday-Wednesday of this coming week.

Work is going ok. I'm actually learning a lot about virtualization. My department is a staff of one (that's me). I basically sit in this big room and with the help of a few outside people, make it all work. It's ok. It's a good way to concentrate on network issues and get caught up on my music listening. And occasionally, when I want to let the world in, I will hook up my XM radio and listen to political commentary. I seem to do that less and less though these days.

The State of the Union Address was "ok". I'd give it a B+, but Obama left out a bunch of things I would have at least touched on, like mortgage losses, jobless people, and the like. And what was up with Michele Bachmann? Aside from the fact that the Founding Fathers did NOT rid our nation of slavery (yeah, she really said that. I guess she didn't realize that many of them were slave owners), she was not looking into the camera. It was kind of freaky. Only other tip I can give her, aside from NOT SPEAKING, is to use way less eye liner. She looked like she just walked in off the street, and not in a good way!

Other concerns on Bill's mind...  the ice cycles hanging off our rain spouts are like ten feet long now. They are beautiful when the sun disperses light through them in an array of colors. But I'm wondering if I should somehow get them them off the gutters. That has to be a lot of weight.

Finally, my thoughts are for the people of Uganda who are still hunting down gay people, and putting them in prison. A bill is pending that would in some cases put some to death. It's infamously called "kill the gays" bill. And all of this came after U. S. Evangelicals went to Uganda to teach them that gay people recruit and rape children and are evil. Last week, one of the leading gay activists for human rights was brutally beaten to death. The U. S. Evangelicals simply said that the act was "horrible". They would know. They planted the seed for this to happen.

I'm also thinking of Egypt. I hope they fine their way.

All of this makes me thankful that I live a small but important life out in the country with my wonderful husband. I'm so lucky.

Our Wedding Vows

Bill and Kent, on this special day, the celebration and moment in your lives that legally affirms your commitment to each other through marriage, you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings. You stand within a charmed circle of love and this is as it should be. But love is not meant to be the possession of two people alone. Rather, it serves as a source of common energy, a form in which you find the strength to live your lives with courage.

You have known each other for the last 35 years. You have shared as one, all the joys, sadness, struggles, and successes of life. You have shared the joy of making new friends and creating a new kind of family for yourselves as well as the sadness at the loss of loved ones and friends. Through it all, you have been together.

Today, you affirm your desire and commitment to love one another in sickness and in health, for better and for worse. Yet, at the same time, you acknowledge that your love for each other gives you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contribution to the world which is always part of us and yet more than us.

Helen Steiner Rice expressed this sentiment in her beautiful piece called "A Beautiful Marriage". She wrote that:

"It is sharing and caring, giving and forgiving, loving and being loved, walking hand in hand, talking heart to heart, seeing through each other's eyes, laughing together, weeping together, and always trusting and believing in each other. . . . .For love that is shared is a beautiful thing. It enriches the soul and makes the heart sing."

Through these inspiring words, we can see that true marriage, in its right relation, is the uniting of two souls already attuned to each other. When such a bond exists, it is fitting that an outer acknowledgement be made. I am here to bear witness to this acknowledgement.

Bill's vows to Kent
Kent, I am a lucky man. You were my first love and only love, and that love has lasted and endured all these years. We have been through a lot together over the years. We've seen much sadness, and much happiness. We haven't had a lot of support for what we have. We have endured many obstacles. But through it all, we've always had each other.

Today, as I give myself to you in marriage, my mind is clear and my commitment is strong, and without reservation.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. I will spend all my days at your side. I give you all that I am and all that I hope to become.

We will share a lifetime of eternal, immeasurable love. I am proud to take you to be my husband.

Kent's vows to Bill
Bill, we have been partners for thirty-five years. Through sickness and through health. We have shared joy and sadness, triumph and tragedy. Through it all, you have been my rock and my foundation. You are the pillar to which I have anchored my life. And as we walk through this new doorway today, I ask that you become my husband.

Bill, as you now begin your married life together with Kent, please repeat after me:

I Bill, take you Kent, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, today, and for all our tomorrows.

Kent, as you now begin your married life together with Bill, please repeat after me:

I Kent, take you Bill, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, today, and for all our tomorrows.

Ring Exchange:

The circle represented by the rings you are about to exchange, symbolizes the never ending commitment which you've just made. It is also symbol of totality, perfection, and peace. These rings also symbolize that your love has substance as well as soul, and now as well as in the past, this love will be your comfort, it is the love that is your delight, and it is the love that is the wonder of your endless commitment.

Bill: Please repeat after me: Kent please wear this ring, as a symbol of my love, and commitment to you, with this ring, I thee wed, and pledge my devotion.

Kent: Please repeat after me: Bill please wear this ring, as a symbol of my love, and commitment to you, with this ring, I thee wed, and pledge my devotion.

STATEMENT BY JUSTICE OF THE PEACE:

May your lives always be a shared experience, enriched with moments of serenity as well as excitement, giving you both a sense of personal freedom, yet measured by mutual respect and responsibility.

In pledging your lives to one another, you acknowledge the change in your existence and celebrate your commitment. May you always remain friends. May your life together be full of kindness, understanding, thoughtfulness and rejoicing. May the years bring you a full and happy life. Now and forever, may you be united in love and harmony. May both of you share your thoughts and dreams with loving care. . . .may you find life, lasting joy together.

Having witnessed the vows you have just made to each other and surrounded by your love, dedication and commitment, in accordance with the law of Connecticut and by virtue of the authority vested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce that you are married. You may now seal your commitment with a kiss.