Bill and Kent's Place

Our Anniversary Today

Today is our 37th anniversary to being together, our first anniversary of being married, and Kent's birthday. A lot to celebrate.

We started last night by going to a concert featuring renowned violinist Gil Shaham. It was a fantastic concert and I'm a huge fan of his.

Tonight, we are going to Cavey's Restaurant for a nice celebration dinner.

Remembering 9/11

I've tried to come up with words to express how I feel about today, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11. Words fail me. There's really nothing I can say that hasn't already been said on millions of blog posts around the world. So instead, I'm going to share what we did on this day of remembrance.

We had our usual weekend breakfast of bagels, accompanied by cream cheese, capers, salmon, onion, and fresh tomatoes. It's become somewhat of a tradition for us. Sometimes I will make a frittata or something along that line, but most often, we will have our bagels. We rested a bit, and then went to Valley Falls Park. There is a nice lake there, and walking trails everywhere. We hiked up to the walking path, an old railroad track that has been converted into a nature trail, and found that there was a bike marathon in progress. As we walked along this path, there were many bikes passing us. Kent said that they would end up in Willimantic at a brew pub, and celebrate with what the brew the pub had to offer. Embracing life.

We, on the other hand, walked on the path for aways, and then took a trail down through the forest until we hit the creek below, that eventually feeds into the lake. Along the way, we took notice of all the life around us; the ferns, the wild mushrooms, the water. And when we got back to the lake, we noticed a few dogs that were taking pleasure in swimming in the lake as their owners threw sticks out into the water for them to retrieve. Embracing life.

On our way back around the lake, we went past a few fishermen who were fishing in the lake. One said, "What time is it?" The other answered, "About 1:30." The other replied, "That explains why I'm getting hungry." The other replied in a laughter, "You got that right!".  Nothing special. Just people living out their lives in harmony with simple pleasures. Embracing life.

So I suppose you could say we spent our day embracing life, and remember those who no long have life. I remember vividly 9/11, and the horror of that day. I was working from home, and the news was on. I remember calling Kent to tell him that some plane had hit the first tower, and while I was on the phone, I went into shock as I saw in real time the second plane hit the second tower. There was silence. I tried to explain to Kent what was happening, but all that came out was, "On my God, I think we are being attacked."

So many years later, and countless lives lost, we spent our day surrounded by life, and embracing it. And remembering the sacrifice that so many in our country have made; the civilians who lost their lives on this day ten years ago, and our soldiers who severed their country valiantly in the years that followed.

We spent our day embracing life. This is the best tribute I know to those who are no longer with us. This is what they would want us to do, I think.

Embrace life.

Magic of Scalatti

Sitting on my deck listening to the magic of the Scarlatti sonatas, taking in late summer. It's amazing such beings lived. And yet here I am, sitting centuries later listening to this, taking in all the green of the forest around me. Would he ever thought that he would offer so much all this time later? I tell you, everything is connected. Think about it.

Do you think your life is singular? Did Scarlatti? Perhaps he did. But he didn't live in our world, where everything is so connected.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Remembering a loved one

Sasha passed away on August 9th, 2000, at 4:15p.m. Rest in peace, my dear dear friend.

Small Miracles

I started playing the violin again tonight. I haven't played in twenty years. I was like I was a new student of music. And yet, not. I played just some scales, concentrating on placement, bow arm, tension, with no vibrato. Vibrato is gone, but it will come in time. It is the least of the problems involved. It was rough, but after playing scales for thirty minutes, I could start to feel my fingers and bow arm loosing up a bit. And, the sound improved tremendously. I have a lot of work to do before playing anything of substance.

My mind is sharp. I haven't forgotten technique, which is good because that's the really hard part to learn. It's just that my physical body can no longer do what I would like it to do, yet. I have to be patient.

Finally, I started putting things away, the bow, cleaning the strings of rosin. Most importantly, I took my 1750 Gagliano violin in my arms, took a moment of silence, and simply said out of respect, "I'm sorry for this. Maybe if you are patient with me, we can once again sing together."

Living a small simple life

I had a nice weekend. I went to dinner with a friend Friday night at Costa del Sol in Hartford. If you like Spanish food, they are remarkable. I don't go there often because it's a bit out of the way for me, but I do enjoy it there.

The rest of the weekend was slow for me. But I accomplished some things. I was happy with myself, being able to successfully buy the right lights for our bedroom closet, and installed them without a hitch. Kent usually does this sort of thing. I know it sounds like a small thing, but these are fluorescent lights, so you have to buy the right size and wattage, and then hope it works. I'm afraid I'm somewhat inept at that sort of thing. I shine in other things that others don't, such as art, music, and making a warm home. I'm not sure how useful those things are in the grand scheme of things, but it's what I do well. I also think I'm a rather skilled cook, although, being by myself in this big house, I'm afraid that I have little motivation for cooking. It has to be inspired, and my inspiration for doing that kind of stuff is in the far away continent of Africa.

Still, I do what I can. I was very pleased with myself last night and this morning, at being able to mow our entire lawn. We have a big lawn, and with my issues with heart disease, I wasn't sure how I would do. I did a bit Saturday evening after it had cooled off, and this morning before it got too hot. It was 91 degrees today, but less humid. Still, the heat is too much for me to deal with when working outside. I don't want to push my luck. And being here alone, if anything happened, who would know? I suppose someone from work would eventually inquire into my total absence from answering the phones or showing up at work. They would eventually find my, although, it would probably be too late. Awful thoughts really. But I don't fear them.

I spent today resting after finishing up with the yard work, and tonight, I reclined out on our deck with a nice glass of wine, enjoying the sounds of nature. My mind was wandering as I looked up at the trees, thinking about what a marvel of nature they are. And yet, we take them for granted. Each leaf is a solar panel, gathering energy for the tree. It's too bad that man has not been able to accomplish what they have so successfully achieved. I found myself thinking to them, "I will miss you.", thinking that in twenty or so years time, maybe less, I will cease, but they will continue on. That's the way of things.

It was absolutely still out. No breeze, nothing. I could hear the cicadas for a brief period and then silence. I finished my glass of wine and went back inside where it was cool.

I enjoy my quiet simple life.

Interesting Restaurants

I love eating out and exploring new cultures. But I just can't get my head around seeing "beef intestines" on a menu. You kind of lose me there.

Single Living

Kent is in South Africa again. This time seems more difficult than the other times. He'll be there for three and a half weeks. He left last Thursday. On top of that, his phone doesn't work and there's very little that he can do to keep in touch. I feel like half of me is gone. I probably need to just bury myself in work and keep my mind occupied the best I can.

This weekend was rough, but two friends visited last night and we all went out to dinner in Hartford. That was a nice diversion. It was nice of them to come see me.

It's stressful times at work. My company was acquired by another company. And since I'm in IT, my job is now to facilitate the restructuring of our computer network. It's exciting in a way. Some of the load will be taken off me to keep critical functions going. And I will facilitate the transfer of those functions. For a company, it's healthy to reexamine how you've done things for so long. And whether we like it or not, that's going to happen. People are creatures of habit, so most don't deal with change very well. But I'm trying to embrace it. So next Tuesday I will spend my day in Boston talking about all the things that have to get done as this is all happening.

I've been thinking today about what was said at dinner last night. I always thought of myself as a pretty normal looking guy (i.e. more straight than gay looking). But I was told last night that I am apparently quite gay looking, both in appearance and the way I talk. I was told that I talk with a slight lisp. I can't hear it or change it. It's not that I don't like what I am, which is a good thing since I have no control over it. But it's made me wonder if everyone who talks to me, both personal and work life, is thinking, "...he's so gay...", and that's all they see. They don't see me. Am I just a stereotype of a gay man? Why do we have to have a label for everything? Why do we put people into categories? Will my new company still want me because of this, since I apparently project "gay" in my appearance and/or speech patterns? Is this why my neighbor looks at me the way he does... like I'm an alien of some sort? It makes me want to not talk to people and withdraw. It's as if ten seconds after someone talks to me, they are thinking, "Yeah, he's gay.", or worse.

I guess I just got to thinking about it all when my friends told me about how I talk, and how I look. It gets me down. I guess I now know why so many of the straight guys at work will only talk to me when they absolutely need my help with something IT related. I don't bond with any of them, and yet, I see them getting together for drinks after work, etc. But not me. I'm never asked. I think it's because of all of these external things that I have no control over. It sucks.

A Beautiful Day Yesterday

We are in Idaho now. Yesterday, we celebrated our wedding with our families in Caldwell, Idaho. It was an amazing experience for both of us. We had around forty people show up. Most of them I haven't seen in decades.

I try to get back to Idaho once a year. I've been doing this for the last four years or so in an effort to get to know my family again after being absent for over twenty years. I honestly didn't think that it would be possible. It seems that it's harder to break back into a family once you leave for a long period of time. You find yourself trying to catch up with what people have been doing, and for the most part, to them, you are now an outsider. So, I had come to the conclusion that there really was no way for me to do that. I had to become content that the few people I had access to would share their lives with me again, and I could share my life with them.

But it seems that I've been able to reconnect with so many of them. Some of the people at our celebration I have literally not seen in decades, but I still recognized them, even after age and time had changed us so much. But the greatest part was that all these people from both our families came, and we had a real celebration of our wedding and our lives together. And all of this happened in conservative Idaho. That is really, to me, a small miracle.

So today, I took Kent to the airport. He is on his way to Seattle for a few days for a seminar. He returns to Idaho on Wednesday evening, and we leave for home early Thursday morning. For now, I'm sitting out on my cousins porch, enjoying this really beautiful weather, and reminiscing about the beautiful memories from yesterday. It's quite a high for me. I do have a family! Very cool.

I may take off for Emmett in awhile to see what's changed and to try to connect with a few friends from high school. Tuesday, I'm going to be in Emmett again to spend some time with Daniel, a boyhood friend of mine, who is really like a brother to me. That should be a lot of fun.

I should also say that I have the most amazing friends, Kim (my cousin), and Mary (a dear friend from college). They are the two who prodded me to make yesterday happen. I fought it at first out of my own fear of what might happen. After all, by having this celebration of our wedding, something that by law can not happen in Idaho because the state has a constitutional amendment against it, is a rather fearful thing. But I've found that even in this place, people can come together and find a common ground. Some who attended may not agree with what Kent and I have, but they were willing to come together, not only to meet us, but to really celebrate what the occasion stood for; a celebration of our wedding and the life we've spent together over the last thirty-six years. Never judge a book by it's cover.

It's true that some in my family could not bring themselves to come because of their beliefs. At one point in my life, that would have been a big problem for me. But I've changed with age as well. I understand where they are coming from. It's simply a leap they could not make. They say that the younger generation has little problem with the concept of "gay marriage", or, what I like to refer to as "marriage equality". And sure enough, the people who had the problem with it are of the older generation. Their belief structure is different, and it seems that change isn't in the cards for them.

That being said, I love them. So I have to be willing to accept the fact that they couldn't bring themselves to come. It doesn't have to, nor will it, ruin in any way what happened yesterday.

Life is beautiful.

Time for myself

Had a nice day. Took half a day off, went to Mashapaug Pond to... think and meditate. It was so peaceful there. I had a nice lunch right on the shore. I was the only one on the lake. Sometimes, you just need time to yourself.

Things have been going ok. Work is pretty intense right now and stressful, but I'm coping the best I can.